Privacy Policy: We Collect Dust, Not Data

1. The Information We Don't Collect

We don't want your email. We don't want your phone number. We definitely don't want to know what you had for lunch.

• No Accounts: You cannot create an account on this site. There is nothing to log into.
• No Newsletters: We will not spam your inbox with "exciting vacuum news" (because let's be honest, vacuum news isn't that exciting).
• No Tracking Pixels: We aren't following you around the internet to see if you buy that pair of shoes you looked at once.

2. The Information We Do Collect (Sort Of)

Like basically every website on the internet, we use standard analytics tools to see if anyone is actually reading our jokes.

• Anonymous Analytics: We can see that someone visited our "Miele C3 Review" page from a computer in Ohio at 3:00 AM. We have no idea who you are, just that you are apparently up late thinking about vacuums. We respect that.
• Cookies: We use essential cookies just to make the site work. They aren't the tasty kind, unfortunately.

3. Amazon Affiliate Disclosure

This is the important part. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program.

• How it works: When you click a link on our site that takes you to Amazon (like "Check Price"), Amazon knows you came from us.
• What happens: If you buy a vacuum (or anything else) within 24 hours, Amazon sends us a small commission.
• Does it cost you more? No. The price is exactly the same for you.
• Does Amazon tell us who you are? No. We just see a report saying "Someone bought a Shark Stratos." We don't know your name, address, or credit card info. That stays between you and Amazon.

4. Selling Your Data

We do not sell your data.

We wouldn't even know how to sell it if we wanted to. We are vacuum nerds, not data brokers. The only thing we want to sell you on is the idea that a bagged vacuum is superior to a bagless one (it is, fight us).

5. Third-Party Links

Our site contains links to other websites (mostly Amazon). Once you leave our site, we are not responsible for the privacy practices of those other sites. They have their own lawyers and their own policies. Good luck reading them.

6. Changes to This Policy

If we ever decide to change this policy, we will update this page. But since our business model is "write about vacuums," don't expect any major plot twists.

7. Contact Us

If you have questions about this policy, you can yell them into the void, or just realize that we are a static website with no contact form. We designed it that way on purpose.